the last year i went was 2006. it was a perfect year. the next year, 2007, i was in india in july and part of august, and when i got home, my whole life had changed. burning man wasn’t possible at all because everything was so completely fucked, and the person who had been my most relevant burning man companion was part of the reason everything was fucked, so i sort of decided that i probably wouldn’t go again. but when i decided that, it was in that way where you hope someone or something will change your mind.

but then, that year,  someone committed suicide on the playa, and the longstanding burning man alternative paper piss clear announced it was closing up shop. those things all taken together, in concert with the general transformative fit of my saturn return, made me feel like it was time to hang up my crinolines and bunny hats and never return to the playa.

sometimes i miss the desert. when i miss BRC though, i think what i’m really missing is a time in my life when things felt different and my community and relationships were in a different phase. and there’s no way to go back to that, so i don’t know. the desert for the desert’s sake can always be had, but i don’t know if that’s really all i want when i do have pangs of wanting burning man.